You need to inform him he's a failure! I'm a criminal everyday because I speed because of this logic... I was in a bar playing darts with an assistant chief of which PD I will not say, and he knew I was there drinking underage. He was kicking my ass and said he would shoot from his knees, I said while you're down there I got something else you can do on your knees... He shook my hand and thanked me because he said as soon as people find out he's a cop they won't talk **** to him!
ETA: He also stated that he wouldn't write a ticket for a small baggie for personal consumption...
Your stories are awesome. How old are you?
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