I’m afraid my manners will be my downfall

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  • Bangswitch

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    So tonight me and my youngest (2year old) are at the local Chinese Tool Abomination. We check out and head for the truck. (I’m always pretty aware of my surroundings and I prioritize putting my kids in the best position to defend). So I open the door for him to climb in, and once he is in his seat I put the Chinese junk in the back and proceed back to buckle him in. As I’m making my way there I’m approach by a middle aged male who speaks from a distance continues approaching until he’s at my taillight I’m at the back passenger door. Roughly 5-6 feet between us. (I’m not comfortable. It’s dark it’s not the safest place but it’s not a bad area either and right next to the interstate) He proceeds to give me some cockamamie story. First, I let him talk way too long before I stopped him, second I let him continue to talk after I told him I wasn’t interested. I maintained my surroundings through the entire conversation, but he was too close for comfort, and I obviously was not assertive enough because it took more than one no to move along.

    Now over the years I have helped people, I’ve always been cautious to avoid situations that put me in overtly vulnerable positions and I have a strict policy of ‘no’ any time my wife and kids are with me. Why did I allow him to talk so long? I know better. Am I the only one who struggles with being too polite for safety?
     
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    Bangswitch

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    Okay,I'll bite,What ex actually was his BS story that you listened to so long?
    Although he was fairly well spoken it was pretty incoherent. (I was less interested in the story as I was watching my backside). He had to press charges on his old lady for steeling his car, and he had a restraining order against her but he needed a Sheriff to get his stuff, but he was getting his uncle’s, cousins’s nephew’s, twice removed sister or some bs to money graham him some money, but he needed some gas to get wherever the hell he was going but we weren’t at the gas station.

    I think I let him talk cause he was fairly decently dressed and he spoke well. But the story was your typical bs sob story.
     

    Bangswitch

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    Just remember to always keep your spare change at home in your spare wallet.
    Yep if I reach in my pants it won’t be for pocket change.

    But I let that go way too long and knew it was going too long while it was happening and just couldn’t end it.
     

    El Pozzinator

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    My standard canned reply to those yahoos is “I’m married. You know how that works. I’m not allowed to have cash.”

    If I’m in uniform, I just point at my badge and ask if they have a permit to panhandle - because otherwise they’re just harassing people on private property and need to kick rocks before someone with handcuffs and a citation book shows up.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     

    Magdump

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    As soon as they step in my direction I make eye contact and I start shaking my head. If you have any sort of situational awareness you know what I’m talking about. Whether it’s a sad story or asking for a smoke, all the talk is just a buffer to help them close the distance. The sooner you show your barrier the better. Draw that line. Make eye contact and quickly check your six before they close the gap. If you see anyone else looking at you, even out the corner of their eye, you can address them as well. First thing out of my mouth is usually ‘Cant help you’, loud and clear. If they pass that they get the defending hand and ‘Back off’. I don’t say please or sorry. I got no time to be polite. Anyone who continues to approach at that point is showing their hand and in need of correction. There’s quite a bit of defensive body language that anyone with ill intent is aware of and will look for that cue to either back off or escalate to their ends.
    Politeness in these cases is the fear of dealing with a situation because you don’t wanna be wrong and hurt feelings. I’ll take offending a stranger over being robbed or jacked any day of the week. Nobody can blame you for being protective of your family and yourself and your property.
     
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    RM Holsters

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    What is an odd twist is being more aware seems to invite these type of people in. They stroll through parking lots looking for people who catch their eye then they approach. If I am in a crowd of people and someone is obviously looking for handouts, ignoring them seems to work. If I am by myself in a parking lot as soon as I see them approaching me I say "no" and shake my head, if they keep coming I say "NO!" and start looking around aggressively.
     

    DAVE_M

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    If it's dark out, I usually have a handheld light ready to be used if needed. I have switched my light on a few times with people approaching me. They are startled, because it's not what they expected. They typically turn around when they see the 1,000 lumen beam of light hit the pavement and illuminate everything near them.

    I don't like anyone that is potentially nefarious to get closer than the limits of social distance.

    social_distance_2_2.jpg
     

    AustinBR

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    If it's dark out, I usually have a handheld light ready to be used if needed. I have switched my light on a few times with people approaching me. They are startled, because it's not what they expected. They typically turn around when they see the 1,000 lumen beam of light hit the pavement and illuminate everything near them.

    I don't like anyone that is potentially nefarious to get closer than the limits of social distance.

    social_distance_2_2.jpg

    This.

    Another thing that helps is to forcefully tell them to back up. These people are used to people trying to tell them no, or giving a sad story back about why they can't give them cash. If they keep coming, after being told to backup, 1,000 lumens to the face is a decent deterrent. Anyone who keeps approaching after that is just stupid.
     

    Gator 45/70

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    This.

    Another thing that helps is to forcefully tell them to back up. These people are used to people trying to tell them no, or giving a sad story back about why they can't give them cash. If they keep coming, after being told to backup, 1,000 lumens to the face is a decent deterrent. Anyone who keeps approaching after that is just stupid.

    You know, Those jacketed bullets make nice sparks skipping across asphalt and concrete...Just say'n
     

    Emperor

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    If your perception of distance without a tape measure lacks, the "2 arms length" rule should help. That distance, though arguably inadequate for certain reasons and scenarios, should be your "Red Line!"

    Start your evaluation of the stranger(s) as early and as far out as you want, but don't EVER let ANYONE you don't know intimately; or at least familiarly, get within that distance of you! ;)
     
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    AustinBR

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    If your perception of distance without a tape measure lacks, the "2 arms length" rule should help. That distance, though arguably inadequate for certain reasons and scenarios, should be your "Red Line!"

    Start your evaluation of the stranger(s) as early and as far out as you want, but don't EVER let ANYONE you don't know intimately; or at least familiarly, get within that distance of you! ;)

    I'd prefer > 21 feet for people in parking lots and gas stations. Too many instances of people getting stabbed lately while doing nothing.
     

    Bangswitch

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    I'd prefer > 21 feet for people in parking lots and gas stations. Too many instances of people getting stabbed lately while doing nothing.

    Thats a lot of distance I can’t accomplish that with reliability, but 6 is way to freakin close.

    At the end of the day I didn’t control the situation and there are some good suggestions I will likely be incorporating next time some mooch targets me.
     

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