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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
    Banned

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    Joke of the day

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

    Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
    The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

    There were all the regular types of stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

    But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, only William was left.

    "William, do you have a story to share?'

    'Yes ma'am.

    My daddy told a story about my
    Aunt Karen.

    She was a pilot in Desert Storm,
    and her plane got hit.

    She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of
    whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

    She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

    She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with
    her bare hands.'

    'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'

    'Stay "WAY" away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'

  2. #2
    Clandestine Sciuridae

    Gold Member

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    A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local horse track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

    When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

    Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their wee-wees to direct the flow away from their clothes.

    As she lifted one of them, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

    "No, ma'am." he replied. "I'm here to ride Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I have enjoyed your help..."
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritten View Post
    Buy them all!! If you don't like it, sell it. They ain't shoes you know...

  3. #3
    Marksman

    Silver Member

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    BWHWHAHHAHAA! Funny thing is, those jokes could be true!

  4. #4
    Marksman

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    LOL....both were pretty funny.
    SASS #84934

  5. #5
    Stuck up North

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    When girls don't put out!!

    This was written by a guy...it is GREAT!

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
    ,'';=====-
    !
    Don't do stupid things, with stupid people at stupid places at stupid times.

  6. #6
    oldbie

    Premium Member

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    A guy was helping his blonde girlfriend out with a computer problem she had. As she logged in he saw her enter her password as follows: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacrame nto" "Why are you using such a long password?" he asked. "You told me to!" she replied. "What! I did?" he asked. "Yes," she replied. "You said my password should be at least 8 characters long and include a capital.?
    "Be water, my friend..."

  7. #7
    LA CHP Instructor # 522

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    What do you tell a blond without arms or legs????????

























    Nice Tits!



    jhahahahahhahaa, now move onnnnnnnnnn
    "If I advance, follow me. If I stop, urge me on. If I retreat, kill me." KAIBIL

    "Melior morior bellator, quam ago profugus"

    RAW Combat International Certified Instructor
    RangeMaster Academy Certified Firearms Instructor
    Owner/Operator of Estrada Tactical Firearms Training
    Owner of Thermal Cure Coatings (KG & Cerakote)

  8. #8
    Banned

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    Bear is in the woods, sees Mr Rabbit.....hey rabbit...when you crap soes it ever get caught in your fur ??

    Errr..yea, sometimes

    And that dosn't bother you, ? havin crap on your fur ??

    No...not really

    Bear says good ! and pickin up rabbit, wipes his ass with him

    I like the joke, just need a moral to the story

  9. #9
    Clandestine Sciuridae

    Gold Member

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yrdawg View Post
    Bear is in the woods, sees Mr Rabbit.....hey rabbit...when you crap soes it ever get caught in your fur ??

    Errr..yea, sometimes

    And that dosn't bother you, ? havin crap on your fur ??

    No...not really

    Bear says good ! and pickin up rabbit, wipes his ass with him

    I like the joke, just need a moral to the story
    don't talk to bears.
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritten View Post
    Buy them all!! If you don't like it, sell it. They ain't shoes you know...

  10. #10
    Banned

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    Quote Originally Posted by charliepapa View Post
    don't talk to bears.
    LOL.....admit NOTHING...and surely DO NOT talk to bears

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