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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #21
    Marksman

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  2. #22
    Marksman

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    Where's my bag?



    Last edited by herohog; September 29th, 2010 at 01:52 PM.

  3. #23
    Marksman

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    and yes, that was my car and my drum kit.

  4. #24
    Clandestine Sciuridae

    Gold Member

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    A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology, which was explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

    Without missing a beat she said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritten View Post
    Buy them all!! If you don't like it, sell it. They ain't shoes you know...

  5. #25
    Banned

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    Quote Originally Posted by charliepapa View Post
    A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology, which was explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

    Without missing a beat she said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
    Holy Batsh*t Batman
    That's a sad thing to discover!


  6. #26
    Banned

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    Really sad if he believes her...whens the last time a guy heard his wasn't special...

    At least as long as he was the dude de jour

  7. #27
    oldbie

    Premium Member

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    Quote Originally Posted by charliepapa View Post
    A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology, which was explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "That's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

    Without missing a beat she said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
    At least she didn't say smallest...
    "Be water, my friend..."

  8. #28
    Stuck up North

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    Regardless of your political persuasion,
    this is funny!



    Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

    "Nice pigs, sir." The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

    The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said, "Excellent trade, sir."



    ,'';=====-
    !
    Don't do stupid things, with stupid people at stupid places at stupid times.

  9. #29
    Stuck up North

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    Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at the church last night by 1 point.

    I not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.

    The question was:

    "Where do women have the curliest hair?"...................


    Apparently the correct answer is New Zealand.



    ,'';=====-
    !
    Don't do stupid things, with stupid people at stupid places at stupid times.

  10. #30
    oldbie

    Premium Member

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    "A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident today."
    The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible."
    Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved."
    After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
    __________________

    Husband and wife are talking after dinner one night when the wife asks:
    "honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

    Husband- Yes, I guess so

    Wife- Would you let her drive my car?

    Husband- Yes

    Wife- Would you let her wear my jewelry?

    Husband- yeah

    Wife- Would you let her use my golf clubs?

    Husband- No way, besides, shes left handed
    ___________________
    Watching a new employee count the day's income, the boss walks over and asks the guy where he got his financial training.
    "Yale," the guys says.
    "Hey, that's great," says the boss. "What's your name, son?"
    "Yackson."
    _______________________

    This mushroom walks into a bar... the bartender says "hey we don't allow mushrooms here!" The mushromm replies to the bartender "Aww c'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
    _________________________

    A baby seal walks into a bar. Bar tender asks "what will you have". The baby seal responds "Anything but a Canadian Club!".
    ___________________________________
    So Celine Dion walks in a bar,
    The bartender looks at her and asks...
    Why the long face?
    ____________________________________
    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'
    Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?
    The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
    She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
    He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ...' he said with a deep sigh, . ..



    'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

    ___________________

    Two blondes rob a bank and speed away in their getaway car. The blonde who's driving says to the other, "Turn around and see if the cops are following us."

    The other blonde says, "Well, how the heck would I know that?"

    "Duh!," says the driver. "If they're following us, you can see the red light on the top of the police car. So . . . are they chasing us?"

    The other blonde turns around and looks out the back window. "Yes . . . No . . . Yes . . . No . . ."
    Last edited by LACamper; November 2nd, 2010 at 08:59 PM.
    "Be water, my friend..."

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