Biden was wrong: We don't need double-barrel shotguns, all we need is scissors...
- Thread starter JBE
- Start date
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Gator 45/70
Well-Known Member
Really ?
Here shooter,Let me trim that for you.
Here shooter,Let me trim that for you.
Sean Hanity's is having a field day with this story on his show tonight. He had this girl on there trying to defend the video and she said "it's not like you can keep your AR-15 in your desk drawer" to which he responded "no but I can keep my pistol in there"
Too bad for him since he is in New York he can only have seven bullets in the gun!
Too bad for him since he is in New York he can only have seven bullets in the gun!
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Mayonnaise
Not in the fridge
Has anyone ever actually been able to find a pair a scissors when they needed them? I don't know about this person but I know when I drop my pair of scissors in my desk drawer they go directly to the bottom and all the way to the back. Sometimes they even move to a different drawer.
I heard Hannity today and watched the video. I figured the only way to fight absurdity is with absurdity so I wrote this letter. Opinions welcomed:
Department of Homeland Security
Public Relations Division
January 31, 2013
Dear Sir or Madam:
On January 25th the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) released a video entitled "Options for Consideration" detailing some "acceptable responses" to "active shooter situations."
Among these instructions including calling 911, evacuating the area, hiding someplace the shooter won't think to look and warning innocent bystanders, the narrator suggests trying to overpower the shooter with whatever means available and then displays scissors.
I am a brave, upstanding American. With my courage and fortitude I have every confidence I can take down an active shooter with an office utensil -- however I have several questions first to make certain I comply with all federal, state and local rule of law. I tried to contact DHS today with these questions but it appears the answers are as yet unavailable.
I would like to apply for my Assault Safety Scissors permit (hereinafter "ASS"). I would like the DHS to supply the appropriate reference materials so that I can determine what I can do with my ASS.
For example, if I am carrying my ASS on school property, but under cover of clothing, is my ASS considered "concealed" and thereby illegal in some restrictive cities or States? Should I leave my ASS hanging out, open to view at all times? Will this frighten some people? Are there carrying provisions? Can I get my ASS in a sling?
In many State and Federal Government agencies it is illegal to carry concealed items, however I do imagine there are more than enough ASSes there already -- but will those ASSes ever be functional on our behalf?
Is there a current ruling on how big my ASS can be? (particularly in New York?)
Are there specific defense models available? If so, where can I buy some ASS?
If I accidentally hit an innocent person with my ASS, am I guilty of assault?
DHS suggests that I dial 911 while trying to find my ASS -- but if I try to do both at once then I am unable to find my ASS with both hands... and I definitely can't find my ASS with both hands and a mirror.
Do I need a background check? Can I use someone else's ASS if need be? Right now my wife actually "owns" my ASS, but I can have temporary use with her permission.
Where do I register my ASS?
Frankly, I'm not sure that the Department has thought this through. While I have seen the Assault Safety Scissors in your video, I'm honestly not sure what your ASS is good for.
Sincerely,
Department of Homeland Security
Public Relations Division
January 31, 2013
Dear Sir or Madam:
On January 25th the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) released a video entitled "Options for Consideration" detailing some "acceptable responses" to "active shooter situations."
Among these instructions including calling 911, evacuating the area, hiding someplace the shooter won't think to look and warning innocent bystanders, the narrator suggests trying to overpower the shooter with whatever means available and then displays scissors.
I am a brave, upstanding American. With my courage and fortitude I have every confidence I can take down an active shooter with an office utensil -- however I have several questions first to make certain I comply with all federal, state and local rule of law. I tried to contact DHS today with these questions but it appears the answers are as yet unavailable.
I would like to apply for my Assault Safety Scissors permit (hereinafter "ASS"). I would like the DHS to supply the appropriate reference materials so that I can determine what I can do with my ASS.
For example, if I am carrying my ASS on school property, but under cover of clothing, is my ASS considered "concealed" and thereby illegal in some restrictive cities or States? Should I leave my ASS hanging out, open to view at all times? Will this frighten some people? Are there carrying provisions? Can I get my ASS in a sling?
In many State and Federal Government agencies it is illegal to carry concealed items, however I do imagine there are more than enough ASSes there already -- but will those ASSes ever be functional on our behalf?
Is there a current ruling on how big my ASS can be? (particularly in New York?)
Are there specific defense models available? If so, where can I buy some ASS?
If I accidentally hit an innocent person with my ASS, am I guilty of assault?
DHS suggests that I dial 911 while trying to find my ASS -- but if I try to do both at once then I am unable to find my ASS with both hands... and I definitely can't find my ASS with both hands and a mirror.
Do I need a background check? Can I use someone else's ASS if need be? Right now my wife actually "owns" my ASS, but I can have temporary use with her permission.
Where do I register my ASS?
Frankly, I'm not sure that the Department has thought this through. While I have seen the Assault Safety Scissors in your video, I'm honestly not sure what your ASS is good for.
Sincerely,
You joke, but its already illegal in NY to carry scissors as a weapon concealed.
Carrying anything "as a weapon" concealed is illegal in NY.
They even arrested a painter for carrying a paint brush concealed. Yes, he he won the case, but he was still arrested and had to go to court over it.
Carrying anything "as a weapon" concealed is illegal in NY.
They even arrested a painter for carrying a paint brush concealed. Yes, he he won the case, but he was still arrested and had to go to court over it.
Brilliant letter!!!!!
You might want to submit a follow up question. "In light of your agency's recent bid request for AR type assault rifles 'suitable for personal defense,' may we expect a similar bid request to follow for some ASS to be issued as a backup PD weapon?
You might want to submit a follow up question. "In light of your agency's recent bid request for AR type assault rifles 'suitable for personal defense,' may we expect a similar bid request to follow for some ASS to be issued as a backup PD weapon?
remember guys: since he won't have 50 rounds in his magazine you can brandish your scissors and stop the threat before he exchanges a magazine.
That is an excellent point -- I shall have to add sandals to my self-defense wardrobe so that my toes are visible. With an Obama cell-phone in one hand, my Assault Safety scissors in the other, I shall have no free appendages upon which to count. We know how us Southerners are construed to be unedjumacted.
Agreed. I just was not aware of the plethora of defense items that the government has granted me. Coupled with a full Dasani water bottle and a Bic lighter and I might be considered "tactical".
