Leave the kids at home!

[PPBart]

Each year I spend the first 3.5 months preparing tax returns for a major franchise. It's a nice change of pace, gives me something different to do for the winter months, and provides a bit of pocket money for vacations or projects during the remainder of the year. Normally I enjoy the work, but it's always amazing to me how people will bring kids -- toddlers to teenagers -- to the tax office and just let them run wild. It's frustrating to the poor tax return preparers who are trying to prepare an accurate return that maximizes the client's refund, and it's very irritating to other folks who did not bring their kids in with them! Last night I had a walk-in client, a young couple, who brought in with them a 3-yr old girl who was about as bad (running, throwing things, loud and obnoxious) as I've seen, plus a 1-yr old boy who seemed to have bubonic plague or something equivalent, coughing/sneezing/snotty nose and screaming tantrums.

If I were ever to decide to go independent and open my own office there is one thing I would definitely do: I would post on the front door a sign that says in large type "NO CHILDREN", and if a client showed up with brats in tow anyway, I would politely point to that sign and inform them that I do mean it and it does apply to them(!)

 

[Phill]

It's not that easy, and not that cheap to find a babysitter.
A two hour babysitting period with two kids would cost the parents $40-50.
Add that to what you're charging them to do their taxes......
Most parents with two kids are on a tight budget.

Yea, yea, yea....they shouldn't have had kids if they can't afford them.....

Instead of turning business away, why doesn't your company attempt to cater to your PAYING customers?
Set up a small play area with a handful of durable toys.
Maybe even set up a small TV/DVD combo w Disney movies playing.
Spend $50 on toys, and you'll get a great return on that investment.

 

[Hitman]

This has nothing to do with taxes or babysitters.

It has everything to do with parents today,
and their lack of parenting skills. Mainly discipline.

 

[Neil09]

It's not that simple.

 

[SeventhSon]

I understand how you feel and know that you are just venting but I would give the "NO CHILDREN" sign a second thought.

I have four kids, three of which are still young. My wife and I are pretty strict and do not allow them to run crazy. If/when they do, we put them in check pretty quickly. That being said, if I were to walk up to a store with a "NO CHILDREN" sign on the door, even if my kids were not with me, I would most likely turn around and walk away. But I'm also the guy who doesn't go to weddings, parties, etc, where "no children" is on the invitation. I just figure if my kids are not welcome, I have no desire to go.

But like I said, I understand how it is. Too many parents are not parents at all.

 

[Neil09]

This has nothing to do with taxes or babysitters.

It has everything to do with parents today,
and their lack of parenting skills. Mainly discipline.

You're right, mine would have a case of the red ass. But with our twins being 11 months, they do let people know we are there sometimes lol.

 

[deuxlatch]

This has nothing to do with taxes or babysitters.

It has everything to do with parents today,
and their lack of parenting skills. Mainly discipline.

I'm going through that with my kids now. My 6yr old got kicked off the bus for horsing around and being loud, basically being a boy. You can't spank your kids anymore or CPS will take your kids. Your hands are tied so what do you do? Timeouts don't work. Medication? We have enough zombies walking around. Any suggestions?

 

[SeventhSon]

I'm going through that with my kids now. My 6yr old got kicked off the bus for horsing around and being loud, basically being a boy. You can't spank your kids anymore or CPS will take your kids. Your hands are tied so what do you do? Timeouts don't work. Medication? We have enough zombies walking around. Any suggestions?

CPS wont take your kids if you spank them. They will only step in if there is verifiable abuse. I know, because my wife is a CPS worker and we spank our kids on occasion (her more than me, lol).

For us? We figured out what our kids love the most and use that. Dont want to do your homework? You just lost TV for the night. You want to talk back? You just lost Nintendo DS for the week. Consistency is the key though and you cant back down. We have a foster kid who is living with us now. Never really had any discipline except being smacked or spanked. He's been with us for about a month and we have been working with him. We have been consistent and he had come a long way.

 

[deuxlatch]

My brother is in a legal fight with CPS because his ex-inlaws turned him in for spanking his daughter because she got sassy. That's why I brought that up. But to describe my kids, they are good boys who sometimes make bad decisions. My 14 and my 10yr have been diagnosed with ADHD after a long hard fight from us to avoid medicating. They are both honor roll students when medicated, but they are total terrors before morning meds and in the evenings when it wears off. My 6 yr old shows the same behaviors that the first 2 did. No attention span, impervious to consequences, forgets what he did wrong immediately after catching him, etc. As of right now none of them have any computer time, TV or phone for the next few weeks until they earn them back, but it still seems to not matter to them. They just don't think before they act.

As for the kids on the OP, the baby was probably tired and obviously sick therefore very cranky. The other one was probably tired but got wound up with the over-stimulation of new surroundings.

 

[Btl_Rkt_Sci]

I'm going through that with my kids now. My 6yr old got kicked off the bus for horsing around and being loud, basically being a boy. You can't spank your kids anymore or CPS will take your kids. Your hands are tied so what do you do? Timeouts don't work. Medication? We have enough zombies walking around. Any suggestions?

There are plenty of parents out there who seem to take for granted that some kids respond to discipline much better than others and perhaps they just lucked out. Sure, they'll have to whip their kids and put them in time out and they feel like hard-ass parent's who have this discipline thing down because of it, but some kids just don't respond as well to discipline. Sometimes the kid may have an actual behavioral deficiency that it's a struggle to control. Or maybe the parents just got off to a bad start with the discipline and are paying for it now, new parents are naive sometimes...we can't all be perfect. I'm not saying I have the right answer, but don't feel like a bad parent because you have a difficult child.

 

[SeventhSon]

My brother is in a legal fight with CPS because his ex-inlaws turned him in for spanking his daughter because she got sassy. That's why I brought that up. But to describe my kids, they are good boys who sometimes make bad decisions. My 14 and my 10yr have been diagnosed with ADHD after a long hard fight from us to avoid medicating. They are both honor roll students when medicated, but they are total terrors before morning meds and in the evenings when it wears off. My 6 yr old shows the same behaviors that the first 2 did. No attention span, impervious to consequences, forgets what he did wrong immediately after catching him, etc. As of right now none of them have any computer time, TV or phone for the next few weeks until they earn them back, but it still seems to not matter to them. They just don't think before they act.

As for the kids on the OP, the baby was probably tired and obviously sick therefore very cranky. The other one was probably tired but got wound up with the over-stimulation of new surroundings.

I know what thats like. My daughter was the same way. I could restrict her for a week and she would just say "yes sir" and go to her room. Could take away everything in her room except a bed and a desk and same thing. I was dead set against any medication. Shes grown now and on her own. They prescribed her some low dosage ADHD meds recently and she is better able to concentrate in school (even though she was in the gifted program and an honor roll student in High School). I was against it for my son as well because I didnt want to make him a zombie, but finally gave in when he started to hate school and his self esteem began to drop. Its made a world of difference and he notices it as well and its not like I remembered it as a kid. No zombie effect.

But back to the OP, too many parents are afraid of being seen as the bad guy. I tell my kids all the time "I can be your friend after you are grown. I'm your parent now.". My daughter always hated that but now that she is grown and moved out we are buddies and hang out and talk like friends.

 

[Hitman]

I'm going through that with my kids now. My 6yr old got kicked off the bus for horsing around and being loud, basically being a boy. You can't spank your kids anymore or CPS will take your kids. Your hands are tied so what do you do? Timeouts don't work. Medication? We have enough zombies walking around. Any suggestions?

Consistent discipline(not always corporal), and addition of responsibility and SCHEDULE!
Consistency however, is the MEGA-Factor.

These are the main factors that will drive a kids MATURITY upwards.

If he feels like he is important, and dependable, wanted,
and that he has responsibilities that are respectable, and serious,
he'll grow up quick. He'll yearn to be respected and he’ll see
that he can earn respect through hard work.

A simple way to also get kids to mature is through Sports. Team Sports and Solo.
Sports can be the great equalizer that zaps kids back to reality that there are stronger, faster, smarter kids their age out there. This usually brings some humility which teaches a lesson. Every lesson learned brings forth a tad bit of maturity. Every morsel of maturity added brings builds their character.

Time Devotion.
I’ve had to sell my XBOX and I’m about to get rid of my own personal PC. We’ve got two(Wife and I). I’m going to do this b/c having it in the house I feel drawn to it. To check this, or check that etc.. I used to find myself always saying, *not now*, *in a minute*, *hang on*. All the child hears is, *I’m doing something more important than you right now, shut up and go away*.

The more time you devote to your kids, the more chances you’ll have to give them a morsel of education and/or maturity.

Schedule. Especially for Highly Active Boys.
Have a schedule for them to follow AS SOON AS THEIR FEET HIT THE FLOOR!

Highly active kids are like a train at a train station. They have no idea where to go, they just want to GO!
The problem is, they do not have the ability to pick the right track and sometimes fail to pick a track at all. This angers them, it confuses them and it will depress them and rob them of their own self confidence and self esteem. Don let this happen.

You are the train conductor. Guide them on which tracks to take and which ones not to. Tell them about the tracks that lead to failure and sometimes, once older, allow them to take those bad tracks. Nothing wrong with that, but not when their maturity can’t handle it. Young kids should learn through lots of success. Constant repetitions of success. This builds loads of confidence. Not until they get older and more mature should they start facing failure decisions. How much older? What level of failure? That’s the magic or parenting. It’s up to you to KNOW your kids and what they are ready for. But never underestimate them. Young kids are capable of fantastic things. Like the 8 year old who saved 6 other kids from that house fire. They are capable, don’t forget that. 5 year olds should be folding clothes and putting them away. Picking up around the house and putting clean dishes away. Fixing themselves something to drink. They are even capable of drawing their own baths without burning themselves, cleaning up their bathroom and taking out their own bathroom trash etc. All these little things matter and yes at 5 years old.

Allow/force a young child to fail a lot early in life,
And you’ll spend the rest of their childhood and young adult life
trying to find their self-esteem.

IMO, it’s best to teach them how to succeed before you teach them how to fail.
They’re kids, not adults. There will be PLENTY of fail in life as they grow older,
PLENTY of time for failure.

They need more success before all that comes around.

I’m smack dab in the middle of parenting. I’m 32 with 3 kids going on 10 years of marriage.
I’ve got an almost 3, a 5 and a 7 year old.
I could go on for days about what I’ve learned in the past almost 8 years of parenting and 10 years of marriage.

 

[SeventhSon]

There are plenty of parents out there who seem to take for granted that some kids respond to discipline much better than others and perhaps they just lucked out. Sure, they'll have to whip their kids and put them in time out and they feel like hard-ass parent's who have this discipline thing down because of it, but some kids just don't respond as well to discipline. Sometimes the kid may have an actual behavioral deficiency that it's a struggle to control. Or maybe the parents just got off to a bad start with the discipline and are paying for it now, new parents are naive sometimes...we can't all be perfect. I'm not saying I have the right answer, but don't feel like a bad parent because you have a difficult child.

This is the truth. And dont forget, your kids dont act the same when they are not with you. My boys, at home, act like wild animals a lot of the time. Sometimes I just see that and feel like a total failure as a parent. Then I'll get a note home from a teacher or talk to one of their friends parents or their Sunday school teacher and they tell me what a great kid I have, how polite they are, etc. They are watching and most time, will follow your lead.

 

[deuxlatch]

I tell my kids all the time "I can be your friend after you are grown. I'm your parent now.". My daughter always hated that but now that she is grown and moved out we are buddies and hang out and talk like friends.

Man that's awesome! Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[SeventhSon]

Man that's awesome! Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel.

It sure feels like a loooooooong tunnel while you are in it, but in the grand scheme of things its not. My daughter is 19 now. Just the other day she called me up to see if I'd go to dinner with her and we hung out and talked about guns and zombies and stuff. Fun times!

 

[Hitman]

To add.

The reason I’m confident that CONSISTENCY is the mega-factor is b/c of this.

My wife is a homemaker and homeschooler. She doesn’t have to be. She’s got a Bachelors Degree from LA Tech in Journalism with a minor in child psychology and ran the University News Paper for 3 years. But, this is what she wants to do. Talk about laugh at people when they ask if she feels bad for not using her degree. Lol She tells them, I use my degree everyday teaching my kids! Anyway!

The reason I think consistency is the key, and why I think you will see too is b/c I see it every day when I come home from work.

During the week the kids only see me a couple hours a day. During those few hours I have no problem holding the standard I expect in the house. So I do. But mom, mom is stuck trying to hold the standard 15 hours out of the day. It’s almost impossible for her to hold that standard so naturally she doesn’t . She is also fighting against her own self. The MOM inside her wants to nurture her kids and give them all they want/need. With as little as struggle as possible. The kids though, they will take advantage of her. The mom. The only person whom loves you so much, and you her, but you’ll still take advantage of her and she’ll still let you.

But Dad. Hmm. Dad don’t take no ****. When dad’s home, the situation is in order. Dad holds the standard and the consequences for not obeying dad are swift and firm and …..*drum roll*….CONSISTENT!

The kids know exactly what to expect from Dad. They don’t even have to wonder. They KNOW that if Dad says “go clean up your rooms”, while you ‘re in the living room tootling around wrestling watching tv etc. They know that Dad only says it ONE TIME. The next time you hear from Dad, if you haven’t got your butt up off the floor and into your room, the next thing you hear from Dad is footsteps b/c he’s coming to tear your ass up for ignoring him lol

Fear and intimidation is not crude and/or abusive. The children, IMO, should have a healthy fear(understanding), that the consequences for their disobedience
SUCKS in comparison to the consequences for their obedience.
Whether by corporal discipline or non-corporal punishment.
They must have a desire to obey, not rebel. Some kids don’t take corporal disincline well at all, some do. But don’t let those sly little girls fool you either Heck if I lower my voice, my 5 year old breaks down into an emotional basket case for hours. But If I spank her. Like I’ve done (maybe) a hand full of times in her 5 years. It’s swift, over and done with. She’s the EASY one though.

Anyway, I hope you see why Dad always seems to be the one with the most pull in the house. B/c the kids KNOW what to expect from Dad, b/c dad is usually more consistent. Dad should use this to his advantage to take up for MOM, and teach the kids that the same level of obedience should be shown to Mom too while you’re a way. This is another opportunity to get young boys on the “Take care of the house” while I’m at work track. My son responds well to this kind of responsibility. I place on him the charge of being the man of the house while I’m not there. Meaning, his mom should not have to plea with him for him to cooperate with school and lunch and daily chores. He should be asking his mom if she needs anything. He should b helping his sisters with their chores etc etc. I’ll even call mid-morning to remind him that I’m counting on him. Just a 2-3 minute conversation can put him on the right track for the rest of the day and when I get home I ask him. How’d things go? Did you mess up? Did you help the girls? Etc.etc.

It’s not always peachy and more times than not it’s a mad-house. But consistency is the mega factor in young kids life. They need to be able to count on a structured life-style that is not just random out of whack crazy. They needs structure and stability that they can count on. You can’t have stability without consistency.

Consistency is the key to successful parenting.

 

[Hitman]

Ditto on the home vs the public behavior.

Sometimes the kids go banana's at home. Totally convincing you that they're heathens.

But when you take them to go grocery Shopping, and they're helping out, pushing the buggy,
while the kid next to you just ripped a box of cereal off the shelf and kicked it while screaming
I HATE YOU!!!! LET ME GO!!!!! ….eeek….


.....yea you tend to forget about that banshee act they pull while at home. Sometimes its b/c they recognize that they can be wild at home, but when we go out, they know they better be minding their p's and q's. Meh, you have to give and take some.

 

[PPBart]

It's not that easy, and not that cheap to find a babysitter.....Most parents with two kids are on a tight budget...

So that gives them the right to inflict their misbehaving children on others? I think not!
Perhaps you should just offer to babysit for them(?)

 

[Phill]

So that gives them the right to inflict their misbehaving children on others? I think not!
Perhaps you should just offer to babysit for them(?)

Not at all. I'm just saying you could make it easier on yourself by providing them with a distraction.

I keep a few Hot Wheels cars at the office just for kids like the ones you're describing.
Give them a toy or two, and they instantly get quiet....
It's one of the best $5 investments I've ever made.
Let the parents deal with them when it's time to go and the kid doesn't want to give the toy back.

 

[tim9lives]

This has nothing to do with taxes or babysitters.

It has everything to do with parents today,
and their lack of parenting skills. Mainly discipline.

Exactly correct Hitman.

Disciplining children is actually doing a service to your children. There is a time and a place for everything. And children need to be taught this while they are young. Parents who let their children run wild are usually going to have serious problems with their children when the kids get older and are doing a disservice to their children by not disciplining said children.

It is called respecting authority. And parents are the authority.

In fact....it is exactly why we see videos of jackasses like the guy who didn't want to take his hands out of his pockets when he is ordered to do so by the police. ( Takedown video)

I would venture to guess.....That blond haired guy...when he was a tike... was one of these kids as described by the OP. Screaming and running around undisciplined.