Was my daughter kidnapped or am I overreacting?

[Saftman]

You need to contact the local news media. Channel 3 or 10 here in Lafayette. They love this kind of stuff & the schools hate it. A couple of years ago a girl was kept after school & missed her bus home. The school told her that was her problem. She had to walk home & was raped whild walking home. The courts changed the school system's mind about what they are responsible for.

 

[Storm52]

Grits: Cat brought up a key point, beside getting the school administration knocked around. Sounds as if there are no boundries in the relatationship with the friend and your wife. People call me and ask a yes/no response question. I don't need time to think about it, have to get back with them or give them a 'let me see what else might be going on' answer. No, is a complete sentence.

 

[PrairieCajun]

Are you folks serious? Litigation and News 'cause the kid got in the car with someone she knows? REWIND<< Where are strict instructions involved? Man, I'm on another planet. Child doesn't get into any car not specifically allowed unless told to by me. Another parent picks up my kid and says "ok, she's with me", we have a conversation 'bout subverting my instructions to my child from an adult. The litigation/news/school responsibility. No way. My responsibility to deal with. No one else. *still picking up jaw off of floor from this discussion*

 

[whbonney26]

I would be pissed no doubt. I would talk to the lady and make it clear to her that in NO way is she to EVER pick the kids up without your permission.

I would be having it out with the school. They allowed your kid to be taken by someone who is not on ANY list and had no right to be picking up your kid. Sure, this time it was a friend.....what about next time? What about the other kids in the school?

I dont know the exact ins and outs of your relationship with the friend so cant really comment on that. You def crossed the line but pressing charges me be a little much. Kidnapping is a serious charge and she may have honestly had no bad intentions. She just needs to be made aware of how it made you feel and that you will not tolerate such an act again.

DO NOT LET THE SCHOOL OFF THE HOOK FOR THIS ONE......its not just your kids safety that is at stake here.

 

[JadeRaven]

I think half of the problem is that your wife didn't just tell her no. Was the woman just supposed to wait around for half an hour, an hour, and so on waiting for the call back? If your wife knew she was waiting in the line, out of courtesy she should have either just said "no, we'll pick her up" on the spot or quickly called back to say yes or no. That's just common courtesy. The lady probably thought she was doing you a favor.

Now wanting to press criminal charges on someone out of a misunderstanding is just ridiculous. I am not a lawyer, but personally I think that is an issue settled through a conversation. Now if the woman still had your kid, and you didn't know where they were, that's a different story.

 

[Cat]

Are you folks serious? Litigation and News 'cause the kid got in the car with someone she knows? REWIND<< Where are strict instructions involved? Man, I'm on another planet. Child doesn't get into any car not specifically allowed unless told to by me. Another parent picks up my kid and says "ok, she's with me", we have a conversation 'bout subverting my instructions to my child from an adult. The litigation/news/school responsibility. No way. My responsibility to deal with. No one else. *still picking up jaw off of floor from this discussion*

Now admittedly, I just had a half glass of wine but I've read this twice. I'm confused.


Most of the time, I agree 110% when it's a situation that has resolved itself, then litigation is unnecessary. It causes more damage than good. But in this case the school allowed someone that was not authorized remove a child from the premises. This is HUGE. The lady was well meaning, and didn't intend harm but that doesn't mean next month or next year, another little child from that same school could be kidnapped with intent to do harm.

There is zero tolerance (to use a school friendly term) towards the idea of a person walking in and retrieving my child. I signed forms at the beginning of the year to keep this from happening. Not for a teacher to ignore. If the superintendent had listened to Grits and been upset for that reason, I'd personally let it drop. But they didn't.

The woman is secondary in my eyes to the school's actions.

 

[leVieux]

Several issues here, among them:

• Your wife's friend may feel that she is close enough to you and your wife that she can do something like that without confirmation. Her comfort level with you and your wife is higher than your comfort level with her. Clearly you do not have the same viewpoints...that gap needs to be closed with her in a constructive, respectful, tactful but firm manner.
  
• Your daughter may need to be refreshed on where she is supposed to be when...
  
• The school failed miserably and they should be taken to the virtual woodshed at both the faculty and administrative level...

Keep in mind that she no doubt meant no harm, but she needs to know that it caused you a lot of concern. Importantly, she is your wife's friend and you don't want to do anything to harm their friendship...good friends are too hard to come by...good luck

Excellent analysis !

leVieux

 

[grits]

My daughter JUST turned 8 so it is real hard for me to put any blame on her even though I know she knows it was wrong.

As for the friendship with the other woman it is over.

The policy has now been changed but to me its to little to late. I am not in a calm enough position to talk with anyone at school yet.

If the school would at least have offered an appoligy or took SOME kind of responcability I dont think I would be as mad but everyone from teacher to School Superintendent blames my 8 year girl.

 

[grits]

I think half of the problem is that your wife didn't just tell her no. Was the woman just supposed to wait around for half an hour, an hour, and so on waiting for the call back? If your wife knew she was waiting in the line, out of courtesy she should have either just said "no, we'll pick her up" on the spot or quickly called back to say yes or no. That's just common courtesy. The lady probably thought she was doing you a favor.

Now wanting to press criminal charges on someone out of a misunderstanding is just ridiculous. I am not a lawyer, but personally I think that is an issue settled through a conversation. Now if the woman still had your kid, and you didn't know where they were, that's a different story.

We told her no the night before because we had plans for the weekend. We told her WE would call if anything changed.

 

[spanky]

I agree with honestlou.

 

[JadeRaven]

We told her no the night before because we had plans for the weekend. We told her WE would call if anything changed.

Either you told the woman no or you didn't give permission. It sounds to me like you left the door open. This is what you've said so far on the matter:

Thursday night a friend of ours asked if my daughter could go to the movies with them. My wife and I said we had plans but we would let her know Friday.

Friday afternoon she calls my wife and now wants my daughter to go sleep. My wife tells her she will check with me and call her back. The woman called back 10 minutes later to tell us she decided to take my daughter from school.

Another thing that's being overlooked is that she called while in line to pick them up. At that time my wife still had not given her permission. Then we got a second call from her saying I have your daughter.

Well either you never gave her permission or you told her no. If you told her no the night before, then why would it be so hard for your wife to tell her no the next day when she called while in the pickup line? If you don't like the woman, or don't want her picking up your kids, then tell her not to pick up your child. If you or your wife is too worried about hurting the lady's feelings, then it's partly your fault for having this happen.

If it's that important to you then you should go out of your way to make clear your intentions.

If you pussyfoot around when telling someone whether or not to pick up your kid, then that's your fault. You can't rely on everyone else to read your mind. To get all upset when a good-intentioned other mom from school is trying to help you out is just silly.

 

[JadeRaven]

Are you folks serious? Litigation and News 'cause the kid got in the car with someone she knows? REWIND<< Where are strict instructions involved? Man, I'm on another planet. Child doesn't get into any car not specifically allowed unless told to by me. Another parent picks up my kid and says "ok, she's with me", we have a conversation 'bout subverting my instructions to my child from an adult. The litigation/news/school responsibility. No way. My responsibility to deal with. No one else. *still picking up jaw off of floor from this discussion*

+1!!!

 

[JadeRaven]

You really want a friend of the family to face up to 5 years in jail at hard labor, plus be labeled a convicted felon for the rest of the lives for a misunderstanding?

Exactly

 

[grits]

I asked for everyones opinion and appreciate the feedback but it sounds like unless it happens to your child the majority of people are more worried about upsetting a friendship or taking action agianst the school.

I guess it dont really matter till they find the kid in a dumpster, but hey at least I got a friend to help me through the funerial.

 

[CBuckD]

You can "press charges" but the DA would have to accept those charges. It's not up to you whether they prosecute someone. Accusing someone of kidnapping is a serious matter. Would you want anyone you know and love to be accused of a felony when they probably thought they were doing something nice? Grits, you weren't a party to the conversation between this friend and your wife, so there could easily have been a misunderstanding. I can't believe you would even consider kidnapping charges. And I can't believe so many people on here are in support of your position.

 

[JadeRaven]

I asked for everyones opinion and appreciate the feedback but it sounds like unless it happens to your child the majority of people are more worried about upsetting a friendship or taking action agianst the school.

I guess it dont really matter till they find the kid in a dumpster, but hey at least I got a friend to help me through the funerial.

Dude if you really thought your daughter might have ended up in a dumpster then you should have gone straight to the lady's house to pick her up, or tracked down her car right after she called to say "I picked her up."

 

[grits]

Dude if you really thought your daughter might have ended up in a dumpster then you should have gone straight to the lady's house to pick her up.

Thats not what I am saying. What i meant is what if next time it isnt a friend. With all the nut jobs out there you would think it would be a little hard for an 6 year old to just walk right out of school with out anyone eles giving it a second thought.

 

[Cat]

Dude if you really thought your daughter might have ended up in a dumpster then you should have gone straight to the lady's house to pick her up, or tracked down her car right after she called to say "I picked her up."

And how do you know he didn't? And why are you giving him so much **** for venting here? I think you need to take a break and walk away from the thread because it's getting heated and regardless what we may or may not think, it's a parent who is upset over the safety of their child. We don't know the details, and it is possible he may leave something unexplained or unclear because he's upset over the larger picture. What needs to happen is support or agreement. This is definitely one of those "if you can't say anything nice, STFU" situations.



FWIW Grits, I still think the school is a bigger issue. You can make sure she never gets in the vehicle with that "friend" again but until the school corrects their lax pick-up policies...

 

[grits]

Dude if you really thought your daughter might have ended up in a dumpster then you should have gone straight to the lady's house to pick her up, or tracked down her car right after she called to say "I picked her up."

Thats a whole nother story in of it self. After she found out how pissed I was and I told her to bring my daughter right to me, which she said she was gonna do. She went run errands for 45 minutes before decideing to return my daughter.

 

[mrmojo32]

Dude if you really thought your daughter might have ended up in a dumpster then you should have gone straight to the lady's house to pick her up, or tracked down her car right after she called to say "I picked her up."

+1

IMO - One of the problems with our society these days is that everyone wants to press charges as the 1st response. I am not saying that the situation is not serious, but how about exhausting other avenues first?