Male Loneliness - You're not alone.

[Manimal]

The vast majority of men in the US have no male friends who they feel they can rely on or confide in, we mostly have acquaintances. Only about 20% of men have truly close friendships and regular social lives, after the age of 30. Every day we're bombarded with TV and Movies that make it seem normal to have groups of close friends and hyper-social lives but that is just entertainment. Very few people have lives like that. People don't watch TV or Movies to see Average, they watch to be Entertained...and more people = more drama (and more comedy).

Anyway, just a friendly reminder...we aren't a bunch of yappy and dramatic girls, don't expect to walk around with a posse on a regular basis unless you join a club or have a job that requires it.

It's all good! You're probably pretty cool anyway, don't sweat it.

 

[hotbiggun]

Thanks for posting this. Tomorrow im **** canning my posse, i never did like them anyway.

 

[jcbvh]

i have lived in many states and have many acquaintances who are good people.

However, My very small inner circle of people who I can literally pick up the phone and they will be there are from Louisiana and who have been friends of mine since early elementary school from the early 1970s.

I know i am very lucky to have that.

Every man should have that at least one male friend that they can rely on when its needed. No matter how Alpha you think you are, we need it.

Weird this was posted because here is a story that happened to me last week.

The neighbor from across the street from my parents house shouted “hey” at me when I got out of my truck when I went over there to get something. Now he is a good dude, but can bend your ear if you let him, and I wasnt in the mood that day so I kinda blew him off, but I did say I will come back out in a few min.

So when I did finally come out he rushed over to me obviously upset at something.

Well that something was he caught his wife cheating on him, and she wanted a divorce. Terrible because his is one of those guys that works in these plants, goes to work everyday, provides for his family, and would never cheat on her. He just wouldn't; he just isn't that type of person. He does have a teenage daughter who is against him and has been poisoned by the mother.

Well I sat there and listened, and he was in “salvage” mode and I told him what he needed to hear; not what he wanted to hear. Meaning. Leave, get divorced and breathe easier. You will be in a much better place. Good news is she makes more than him so its not like he will be financially tied to her - forever anyway.

Bottom line is. He went to shake my hand for listening to him, and I gave him a bear hug and told him to be strong, and he will get through it, and we ALL have been through a breakup and he isnt alone.

I could see that he had a huge load off lifted. Even if it was only temporary.

So yeah I was annoyed initially, but sometimes its not about us I guess. Men need other men to vent to sometimes IMO.

Thats why when members
come on this forum to air there issues; we owe them that time to vent. You may acutally help them more than you know.

 

[Martman300]

i have lived in many states and have many acquaintances who are good people.

However, My very small inner circle of people who I can literally pick up the phone and they will be there are from Louisiana and who have been friends of mine since early elementary school from the early 1970s.

I know i am very lucky to have that.

Every man should have that at least one male friend that they can rely on when its needed. No matter how Alpha you think you are, we need it.

Weird this was posted because here is a story that happened to me last week.

The neighbor from across the street from my parents house shouted “hey” at me when I got out of my truck when I went over there to get something. Now he is a good dude, but can bend your ear if you let him, and I wasnt in the mood that day so I kinda blew him off, but I did say I will come back out in a few min.

So when I did finally come out he rushed over to me obviously upset at something.

Well that something was he caught his wife cheating on him, and she wanted a divorce. Terrible because his is one of those guys that works in these plants, goes to work everyday, provides for his family, and would never cheat on her. He just wouldn't; he just isn't that type of person. He does have a teenage daughter who is against him and has been poisoned by the mother.

Well I sat there and listened, and he was in “salvage” mode and I told him what he needed to hear; not what he wanted to hear. Meaning. Leave, get divorced and breathe easier. You will be in a much better place. Good news is she makes more than him so its not like he will be financially tied to her - forever anyway.

Bottom line is. He went to shake my hand for listening to him, and I gave him a bear hug and told him to be strong, and he will get through it, and we ALL have been through a breakup and he isnt alone.

I could see that he had a huge load off lifted. Even if it was only temporary.

So yeah I was annoyed initially, but sometimes its not about us I guess. Men need other men to vent to sometimes IMO.

Thats why when members
come on this forum to air there issues; we owe them that time to vent. You may acutally help them more than you know.

That was an awesome thing you did, he will appreciate it more than probably either of you know.

i had a similar experience in 06 after Katrina. I was the one left alone, but good news for me is the two things she didn’t want was the house or the grown kids. They were nearing the end of their school years with college yet to go. So still at home with me.

 

[Bam Bam]

During my younger days I had a good size circle of friends, but moving, divorce (theirs, not me), stupid decisions etc etc.. , I really don't have a person I would call my "best Friend" anymore. I do enjoy my conversations and meetings with the like minded guys here and find these site is "Therapeutic" . So overall I'm good, but yes most of us older guys have small friend circles.

 

[dantheman]

After you retire you will find that your circle gets smaller .

 

[Bolt Head]

Good thread!

I have to point out that being alone does not always mean loneliness. Some prefer it.

 

[Big H]

The vast majority of men in the US have no male friends who they feel they can rely on or confide in, we mostly have acquaintances. Only about 20% of men have truly close friendships and regular social lives, after the age of 30. Every day we're bombarded with TV and Movies that make it seem normal to have groups of close friends and hyper-social lives but that is just entertainment. Very few people have lives like that. People don't watch TV or Movies to see Average, they watch to be Entertained...and more people = more drama (and more comedy).

Anyway, just a friendly reminder...we aren't a bunch of yappy and dramatic girls, don't expect to walk around with a posse on a regular basis unless you join a club or have a job that requires it.

It's all good! You're probably pretty cool anyway, don't sweat it.

Thanks for the post---I believe you hit the nail on the head for most of us---I have two friends of 70+ years---we do get together or talk now and then but truly we are each a posse of ONE!!!

 

[Bam Bam]

I have several Good friends, but none really close. I don't need to constantly talk and carry on with someone as I'm more of the quiet type, but when I really need someone to talk, it's a rather small small circle. But you know thats ok, it's just life. Things change and I accept that. I keep myself occupied by browsing here.

Good thread man, it helps to know we are not alone here. I've meet many great guys from here.

 

[Martman300]

It’s how we are word I guess. When I lived in Slidell and when we bowled a lot, I had lots of close friends.

There when we needed each other, help with house projects, to talk, move etc.

After the divorce, none until I got involved at church and into a men’s group. Now I have 2 I can say that about.

Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

 

[Magdump]

Thanks for posting this. Tomorrow im **** canning my posse, i never did like them anyway.

LOL!! My buds need to see this. I’m dropping a thread link in our years old group text right now…

 

[hotbiggun]

Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

Did you know that in Spanish tonto means dummy or imbecil. Lol.

Hollywood, lol


My wife was born in El Salvador and is fluent in spanish and english. She was adopted by fundamentalists christians who didnt own TVs. I told her about The Lone ranger and Tonto. Thats when she asked why TLR called his friend dummy. Lol

 

[dantheman]

Did you know that in Spanish tonto means dummy or imbecil. Lol.

Hollywood, lol


My wife was born in El Salvador and is fluent in spanish and english. She was adopted by fundamentalists christians who didnt own TVs. I told her about The Lone ranger and Tonto. Thats when she asked why TLR called his friend dummy. Lol

There are many translations for Tonto . Foolish , silly , dumb , etc. I guess dummy could be one too .

 

[hotbiggun]

There are many translations for Tonto . Foolish , silly , dumb , etc. I guess dummy could be one too .

Certainly explains why tonto was always captured and had to be saved by TLR! Haha

 

[sandman7925]

I used to have actual friends. Now just acquaintances. I thought about this the other day. I’m ok with it.

 

[323MAR]

This is the biggest cause of veteran suicides. You are surrounded by close friends and acquaintances for years and suddenly they are gone after you leave the military. You keep in touch with your closest friends, but it's not the same and you are on your own.
Two of the Marines I served with took their own lives and 2 more were killed in the line of duty in LE(I firmly believe that they would be alive today if their fellow officers would have been better skilled.) My belief that they were better Marines than myself has only served to reinforce my survivors guilt. My Wife spends as much time with me as she can because she gets worried when I'm alone. I am very fortunate to have her.
My Sister did her part for me by introducing me to her Science Fiction club. They are 75% liberals, but were very sympathetic and took me in during a time when I needed good healthy distractions. Some of them even let me introduce them to the Second Amendment. I'm still in the club and it's been great fellowship.
We are social creatures and fellowship truly keeps people alive.

 

[lonewolf 76]

What's funny is when you're on top making money hand over fist you almost have to kick them off your property after several layoffs and a job that just gets you buy the phone never rings not even a wrong number I've learned sometimes you're better off that way

 

[323MAR]

What's funny is when you're on top making money hand over fist you almost have to kick them off your property after several layoffs and a job that just gets you buy the phone never rings not even a wrong number I've learned sometimes you're better off that way

That's true, friends of convenience are useless in the face of adversity. It's actually better to make friends when you are down and out. Those friends will be with you for life.

 

[lonewolf 76]

Your right about that!!! The thing is with money and doing good is the more money and knowledge you have the more friends but sooner or later it continues wife has to get a job then there's another issue you leave a crappy job to come home to something else it's the snowball effect but God doesn't give you more than you can handle all we can do these days is the best we can and if possible help others

 

[jdindadell]

As an only child I have spent the vast majority of my free time alone. But I do agree that you need solid friends that you can talk to. Just saying your thoughts out loud can be beneficial, even if you are alone. But it is always better to engage another person and be able to hear their thoughts on the situation.

It is tough being a man, a husband, a father, or all three. This forum is a great resource and I am glad that the off topic is popular. Seems like a great group here.