Why would you want kids?

[captain-03]

I am 60 years old. Had a rather successful life if measured by the material things I have -- 2 trucks, 1 cars, 2 boats, 1 motorcycle, paid for home and property, and money in the bank. I have a loving wife and 2 sons. One of the greatest pleasures I now have are the two grandkids. An 8 yr old grandson and and 3 year old grandaughter. I have a load of fun and pleasure being around them and watching them grow and learn; and, I do hope I can influence them to some degree.

The grandson loves to fish .... that is the "reason" for the 2 boats!! --- 1 for freshwater lakes around here and the other for the Gulf. If it was not for him, I would probably sell them both!! The pleasures associated with being a father and grandfather certainly outweighs all the material things -- IMHO!!

 

[JWG223]

Nailed it. I've said before, experiencing my son's birth was the most gruesomely beautiful thing I've ever experienced in my life.

Hell, I got to tug him out of there.

You're very right. C-section is the way to go, coming from a guy who's seen it all before:

Round pretty headed baby and smiling chic

-or-

Cryingstrainingredfaced chic with cut open vaginabutthole pooping and bleeding on a cone-head.

If I ever do have a child, I know how mine will be done.

 

[SpeedRacer]

If I ever do have a child, I know how mine will be done.

Obviously, you don't even have a vagina.


Or do you?

My wife had c-sections for both of ours (first was emergency). There's nothing pleasant about it and the recovery is much worse. It's not really something you just "choose" to do for silly reasons.

 

[Cat]

Obviously, you don't even have a vagina.


Or do you?

My wife had c-sections for both of ours (first was emergency). There's nothing pleasant about it and the recovery is much worse. It's not really something you just "choose" to do for silly reasons.

That had to be the most retarded statement I've seen from him to date.

 

[JWG223]

Obviously, you don't even have a vagina.


Or do you?

My wife had c-sections for both of ours (first was emergency). There's nothing pleasant about it and the recovery is much worse. It's not really something you just "choose" to do for silly reasons.

I've seen it done both ways, and seen both good and bad outcomes from both. Really, it depends on the physiology of the patient, if you want to get right down to it, and there are advantages to both. APGAR's for vaginal birth can be higher, if the woman goes light on the epidural/passes on it. However, there can also be complications, dislocations, etc. Further, it depends on the position of the fetus, the MD's skill at manipulating the fetus, etc.

I suppose it was rather flippant of me to lump everything in together, but based on the limited experience I have in the delivery room (very, very limited, but I've seen it done both ways), women preferred the C-section and had a lot easier time of things with it. I am very sorry that your wife had a rough time of it, though, and nothing is guaranteed. In my healthcare system, though, C-section is an option between the mother and physician, with physiology, gestation time, fetal position, etc. all playing a role in the decision.

Further, I guess it was wrong of me to speak for the potential mother of my imaginary child, but many women I know pick C-section. It's become more and more popular, both for good reasons, and bad.

 

[SpeedRacer]

I've seen it done both ways, and seen both good and bad outcomes from both. Really, it depends on the physiology of the patient, if you want to get right down to it, and there are advantages to both. APGAR's for vaginal birth can be higher, if the woman goes light on the epidural/passes on it. However, there can also be complications, dislocations, etc. Further, it depends on the position of the fetus, the MD's skill at manipulating the fetus, etc.

I suppose it was rather flippant of me to lump everything in together, but based on the limited experience I have in the delivery room (very, very limited, but I've seen it done both ways), women preferred the C-section and had a lot easier time of things with it. I am very sorry that your wife had a rough time of it, though, and nothing is guaranteed. In my healthcare system, though, C-section is an option between the mother and physician, with physiology, gestation time, fetal position, etc. all playing a role in the decision.

Further, I guess it was wrong of me to speak for the potential mother of my imaginary child, but many women I know pick C-section. It's become more and more popular, both for good reasons, and bad.

My wife has been through it, and also happens to be a labor and delivery nurse. She would never recommend voluntary C-section. If doctors/hospitals allow it, that definitely doesn't mean it's a good thing. Same with doctors playing with meds to schedule deliveries by delaying or speeding up labor. Bad stufff done for selfish reasons, and typically it's the baby that suffers.

But the bigger point, as you admitted, is trying to make that decision for your future baby momma. If you ever declared that to a woman, don't expect her to stick around long enough for your opinion on it to matter.

 

[OneStory]

My wife has been through it, and also happens to be a labor and delivery nurse. She would never recommend voluntary C-section. If doctors/hospitals allow it, that definitely doesn't mean it's a good thing. Same with doctors playing with meds to schedule deliveries by delaying or speeding up labor. Bad stufff done for selfish reasons, and typically it's the baby that suffers.

But the bigger point, as you admitted, is trying to make that decision for your future baby momma. If you ever declared that to a woman, don't expect her to stick around long enough for your opinion on it to matter.

The typical hospital route vs natural home birth in a small pool of water...what a difference!

 

[JWG223]

The typical hospital route vs natural home birth in a small pool of water...what a difference!

On a technical note, the US has some very low APGAR scores. I blame it on all the anesthesia we are using. I don't think there is anything wrong with a pool of water, birthing stool, whatever, in uncomplicated childbirth.

 

[goteron]

Nothing you can do as a parent will make a kid good or bad, for sure. It's just luck. So why do people give up so much on such a return-less gamble?

I didnt read the entire thread. But what does this mean?

Its definitely not "Luck"

Look at children who have loving parents, and then those that don't. There is a difference, a huge difference. Raising children is difficult, but its the most important thing in my life.

My parents gave me an awesome life and I have had the chance to experience a lot of great things, why would I deny someone else of that?

 

[Company Man]

This thread is 7 pages long and someone may have said this already;

The way you come off from reading your statements is that the "Child" is only for validating your skills as a parent. In truth being a parent has nothing to do about skills, it is about love. Being able to love someone so deeply that everything you do or will do in your life will pale in comparison to seeing that drooling, vomiting, crying, diaper filling little alien grow into a human being. Doesn't matter if "Little Jimmy" turns into a democrat voting machine or if "little Suzie" is a corner hugging prostitute. That has no reflection on you as a parent. That is called "Free Will" and we all possess it, it is the choices they make that will define them, all we can do as parent is be there to guide them as they grow with the hope they will make the right choices. So even if "little Johnny or little Suzie" make choices you don't agree with, so what, it is their life and not yours. Get off your "therapy couch" and realize it is not about you if they become something less desirable like a tree hugging liberalist that wants to give all your hard earned money to the border jumping illegal aliens. That is their right, not your failure.
You sound like you are worried about them embarrassing you, I find it hard to understand how someone could be so self-centered.....you are not ready for kids, much less dogs since their tendency to bark may embarrass you.
When you realize that anyone can have kids - but it takes a person with a heart that is willing to be broken, a heart that is willing to beat proudly or a heart that is ready to stop beating so their kids heart can beat on. These people don't care what color eyes, how ugly, how pretty, how athletic, how smart or how dumb "little Johnny or little Suzie", they love them unconditionally. These people are called Moms & Dads, they make the boogie man go away, kiss their boo boo's and protect them from any and all Zombie invasions.
I am getting off my soapbox, but hope you learn how to give and receive love unconditionally in the future, because being a parent is the greatest gift that ever blessed me. Did I do it right? No idea, don't really care but I know I raised a son that is capable of making his own decisions and if i agree with them or not, I will love him no matter what they are....

 

[JWG223]

I didnt read the entire thread. But what does this mean?

Its definitely not "Luck"

Look at children who have loving parents, and then those that don't. There is a difference, a huge difference. Raising children is difficult, but its the most important thing in my life.

My parents gave me an awesome life and I have had the chance to experience a lot of great things, why would I deny someone else of that?

Look at brothers. My Uncle adopted a child as a baby. He raised that baby the same as he raised the brother and daughter before. The brother is an MD, the daughter, I am not sure, she went to France and got her degree and I don't keep up with her. The child he adopted? That child has assaulted him, caused lots of problems legally, and been a failure all around. He was the same parent for all 3 children, raising them at the same time at some points (the adopted child is younger). Maybe it's genetics, maybe not, but certainly not the quality of parenting that led to the child turning out the way they have so far.

 

[Captain_Morgan]

Obviously, you don't even have a vagina.


Or do you?

My wife had c-sections for both of ours (first was emergency). There's nothing pleasant about it and the recovery is much worse. It's not really something you just "choose" to do for silly reasons.

My wife fully expected to have to get a c-section, at first. She has bad asthma and vagal syncopie (sp?), and there was a concern of the baby losing O2 during the birth. Plus she had seen plenty of videos of natural birth that kind of turned her towards wanting a c-section.

I told her it probably wasn't preferable, and once she read up on the common complications combined with a friend of hers whose uterus fused to her abdominal scars now making it difficult to have additional children, she ultimately decided the natural way was better.

Plus my son didn't come out looking too bad at all. In fact, when we saw the pediatrician a couple days after birth for his jaundice the pediatrician thought he was a c-section baby since his head was so perfect.

 

[JWG223]

This thread is 7 pages long and someone may have said this already;

The way you come off from reading your statements is that the "Child" is only for validating your skills as a parent. In truth being a parent has nothing to do about skills, it is about love. Being able to love someone so deeply that everything you do or will do in your life will pale in comparison to seeing that drooling, vomiting, crying, diaper filling little alien grow into a human being. Doesn't matter if "Little Jimmy" turns into a democrat voting machine or if "little Suzie" is a corner hugging prostitute. That has no reflection on you as a parent. That is called "Free Will" and we all possess it, it is the choices they make that will define them, all we can do as parent is be there to guide them as they grow with the hope they will make the right choices. So even if "little Johnny or little Suzie" make choices you don't agree with, so what, it is their life and not yours. Get off your "therapy couch" and realize it is not about you if they become something less desirable like a tree hugging liberalist that wants to give all your hard earned money to the border jumping illegal aliens. That is their right, not your failure.
You sound like you are worried about them embarrassing you, I find it hard to understand how someone could be so self-centered.....you are not ready for kids, much less dogs since their tendency to bark may embarrass you.
When you realize that anyone can have kids - but it takes a person with a heart that is willing to be broken, a heart that is willing to beat proudly or a heart that is ready to stop beating so their kids heart can beat on. These people don't care what color eyes, how ugly, how pretty, how athletic, how smart or how dumb "little Johnny or little Suzie", they love them unconditionally. These people are called Moms & Dads, they make the boogie man go away, kiss their boo boo's and protect them from any and all Zombie invasions.
I am getting off my soapbox, but hope you learn how to give and receive love unconditionally in the future, because being a parent is the greatest gift that ever blessed me. Did I do it right? No idea, don't really care but I know I raised a son that is capable of making his own decisions and if i agree with them or not, I will love him no matter what they are....

I agree with you about most of your post. What I mean by them not turning out well is me putting all of that love, caring, time, energy into another person (my child) and it ending up like most marriages where you put the same into them. Horrible. Let me tell you about the kids I hear about most of time...

Kid 1: Forced to rat on druggies because he got busted. In the witness protection program and has death-threats.
Kid 2: Assaulted my uncle, ungrateful for anything, failing at school, work, everything.
Kid 3: Lives with my father, steals from him, got busted stealing from Wal-mart. Stole a .22 rifle I owned that I kept at my father's. Failure at school. Quite his job.
Kid 4: Assaults his wife, constantly in trouble with the police.

These are the kids I most hear about at work, and from my family. Think I want to deal with that? I guess I'm not that self-less and loving. I would never choose it, but if I had a child and they turned out that way...

Yes, I suppose I still would love a child if they killed a bunch of people---most parents of mass murderers do--- but what I mean is, it's a life-long obligation financially and emotionally, and right now at least, that doesn't appeal to me. I need to get MYSELF situated before I can worry about another. If I do have a child, you can bet they won't wake up to me screaming at my wife about how we are going to afford to feed ourselves. BTDT as the kid, and no-thanks. F that. (My father never yelled except to be heard, I refer to my stepfather).

 

[Bosco]

Look man, the fact of the matter is you'll probably feel differently in 10 years. When I was your age I didn't even want to think about having kids. Now I want them but still not yet. As you get older, your mind changes in weird ways and things you were convinced you'd never want you find you really do want.

I'm still terrified though of having kids though when **** like this happens - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/04/girl-lied-about-father-rape_n_1402468.html

 

[Brian22]

Look man, the fact of the matter is you'll probably feel differently in 10 years. When I was your age I didn't even want to think about having kids. Now I want them but still not yet. As you get older, your mind changes in weird ways and things you were convinced you'd never want you find you really do want.

I'm still terrified though of having kids though when **** like this happens - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/04/girl-lied-about-father-rape_n_1402468.html

Not necessarily. Someone else recently said the same thing you did, but I hold a different perspective. As I get older, my desire for children is waning. As much as fatherhood has changed my life for the positive, I don't want any more. Could this be b/c I've already got one "under my belt"? Perhaps, perhaps not - there's no way to tell, and the bottom line is, everyone is different. One of my best friends never wanted children, never wanted to get married, and didn't. He has no regrets. He's also one of the happiest people I know.

To compare another man's life to your own is wildly inaccurate - every man's brain, circumstances, upbringing, and lifestyle is different.

 

[JWG223]

Look man, the fact of the matter is you'll probably feel differently in 10 years. When I was your age I didn't even want to think about having kids. Now I want them but still not yet. As you get older, your mind changes in weird ways and things you were convinced you'd never want you find you really do want.

I'm still terrified though of having kids though when **** like this happens - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/04/girl-lied-about-father-rape_n_1402468.html

I understand that my mind might change, and I am trying to look inside myself to see if it will. Will I ever know until I have crossed the years to that place? No, I won't, but trying to know myself better is never a bad thing. I am planning a vasectomy in a few years if the soul-searching does not bring me to the point that I would want a child.

This thread has been very eye opening to me. I have seen a few people who are happy with their families, and glad. I have seen a few people who feel that it was a mistake, and I have seen many more people who are angry and lash out at me, which could mean many things, but it certainly is not a strong indicator to me of any personal joy in their lives, and I don't want whatever it is they have that makes them so.

 

[JWG223]

Not necessarily. Someone else recently said the same thing you did, but I hold a different perspective. As I get older, my desire for children is waning. As much as fatherhood has changed my life for the positive, I don't want any more. Could this be b/c I've already got one "under my belt"? Perhaps, perhaps not - there's no way to tell, and the bottom line is, everyone is different. One of my best friends never wanted children, never wanted to get married, and didn't. He has no regrets. He's also one of the happiest people I know.

To compare another man's life to your own is wildly inaccurate - every man's brain, circumstances, upbringing, and lifestyle is different.

Looking to my own father, as he nears retirement age, he is nowhere near able to retire because of me. He owns a company and does manual labor. It is very taxing on a mid 50's man like himself. Yet because he had me and helped me financially and with his time through life, that is his position. Now, I am leaving to move to another state, and while I know he loves me, and is proud of me, I would neither blame him, nor be surprised in the years to come if he didn't regret having a child in some corner of his mind when he considers his finances and location in life relative to his age. If I ever do want to have children, it will be when everything save my house is payed off, and I can afford anything reasonable thrown at me. Certainly not now.

 

[Bosco]

Not necessarily. Someone else recently said the same thing you did, but I hold a different perspective. As I get older, my desire for children is waning. As much as fatherhood has changed my life for the positive, I don't want any more. Could this be b/c I've already got one "under my belt"? Perhaps, perhaps not - there's no way to tell, and the bottom line is, everyone is different. One of my best friends never wanted children, never wanted to get married, and didn't. He has no regrets. He's also one of the happiest people I know.

To compare another man's life to your own is wildly inaccurate - every man's brain, circumstances, upbringing, and lifestyle is different.

I don't feel I need to post the definition of probably for you as you seem intelligent enough to know what the word means. I take it then that you completely overlooked that part of my statement and considered your own experience to be that of the majority. It's okay, many people on this forum completely ignore a post just to throw their own opinion as a reply, but it does make you look like you have poor reading comprehension which is important to have when you're on a website where you should actually read what other people write if you want to make an intelligent reply.

 

[Brian22]

I don't feel I need to post the definition of probably for you as you seem intelligent enough to know what the word means. I take it then that you completely overlooked that part of my statement and considered your own experience to be that of the majority. It's okay, many people on this forum completely ignore a post just to throw their own opinion as a reply, but it does make you look like you have poor reading comprehension which is important to have when you're on a website where you should actually read what other people write if you want to make an intelligent reply.

Of course I saw your word "probably", and didn't choose to selectively ignore it w/ my response. My reading comprehension skills are impeccable - I fall in the top 2% on standardized tests in that and most other subjects(except math, which I hate).

The fact of the matter is that you posted an opinion, as has everyone on this thread, that insinuates that he'll "probably" feel different when he's older, and to that statement is what I responded. "Probably" means almost certainly, meaning that JWG's opinion will almost certainly match yours. My response was "not necessarily", meaning that I don't think that's almost certainly going to happen.

My response certainly holds water, and I will not try to attack your character b/c of a difference of opinion like you attempted to do to me. Such acts are emotionally immature, and while they may increase post counts(everyone loves drama), I've risen above that level long ago.

 

[oleheat]

Maybe you should have titled this thread 'Why should I Want Kids?'