Parental Rights
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If we had to "man up" and take the responsibility of raising a child, I'd agree absolutely with this.
But if we, as women, have the option to abort or give the child up, then he should have the right upon notification of impending birth to terminate his rights. If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.
I know ethically and morally a man is going to take responsibility in most cases. I know many men who love their children despite how they came into this world. But I'm just stubbornly against the fact that a woman has LEGAL (not ethical, not religious) ability to shirk the responsibility. It's on him because he didn't have a vasectomy or use birth control. What if he did, what if it failed? Women aren't punished for failed birth control.
Look. A man can get a vasectomy. Did you know ethically you will NOT find a gynecologist to perform a sterilization procedure on a woman under the age of 35 who has not had children? But it's okay, nay, socially demanded he has a vasectomy if he doesn't want children. Medically and socially it's not insistent women take permanent invasive irreversible steps to prevent children.
A woman has LEGAL ability to pick up morning after pills if birth control fails. She can abort. She has an "out" in every, single instance. EVERY instance.
I'm not arguing that he has a responsibility. In 90% of the cases he does. But occasionally, when you have a long term straight up I don't want kids 30+ YR old, self sustaining, non-governmental assisted, professional and middle class couples, if she deceives or is a perpetrator of fraud… I think he has a legal right to say "Nope, no thank you. We discussed it. You deceived me."
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Yeah, he should have ran. And that brings up another aggravation.
Women who are absolutely certain they do not want children and are under the age of 35 (or even 40) find it nearly impossible to have any type of permanent sterilization procedure because it is medically unethical. You won't find a GYN/OB who will do it in most cases.
This woman could also be sensitive to hormonal birth control, I'm one of them. So 75% of the contraceptions are out. She may be personally against abortion (I am here as well. Rape/medical causes or mom dies ONLY). So she'd "have" to "live" with the consequences if she becomes pregnant. Adoption is an option, but you know.. I don't want another child, but I wouldn't exactly give it up either. I wouldn't go that far. But she would be quite content for sterilization. It avoids the whole situation entirely.
Single non-mothers… Not an option. "Deal with it"
Hitman said it right. The whole thing is jacked up.
LOL I've crawled on a soap box today. Jody hit me with all of these arguments.
He should have had a vasectomy. Okay, I can agree with that BUT women can't.
He should have used birth control. Okay, but women have the morning after pill. She can still use abortive measures.
She has the right to say "not now". He doesn't. If he wants the baby, oh well honey! She took a trip to the clinic. So sorry.
I'm not arguing about the responsibility. I'm arguing legally. Men are screwed. Six ways to Sunday the system is rigged against men in more ways than one. (Talk to anybody who is dealing with a crackwhore ex-girlfriend shagging some dope dealing thug and the guy still only gets weekend visitation. Or the more common, she has mental issues and I have a more stable home, the child cries when he goes back to mom child custody cases)
In a few cases, against us too.
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Yeah... Some of the most sucessful men I know financially have had sense to stay away from women. But at the end of the day with broken pay check messed up kid and crazy ex wives... Still better then nothing but big house and nice car.
And if the girl you are regularly tapping tells you she is pregnant one day, you will know she is a treacherous whore!
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Guy doesn't want kids. Lady does. = failed partnership
Guy does nothing to prevent from having kids = failed responsiblity
Lady gets her way regardless of final outcome of relationship...total failure in moral and legal terms. Obtained through deceptive practices. Contract doesn't exist for guy to pay.
Frankly the guy was ultimately responsible since he did nothing to prevent a pregnancy. He could have pumped a tube full of the little swimmers and had them frozen, take the knife and be done.
Guy does nothing to prevent from having kids = failed responsiblity
Lady gets her way regardless of final outcome of relationship...total failure in moral and legal terms. Obtained through deceptive practices. Contract doesn't exist for guy to pay.
Frankly the guy was ultimately responsible since he did nothing to prevent a pregnancy. He could have pumped a tube full of the little swimmers and had them frozen, take the knife and be done.
What happened between the man and woman is what happened- the child, human being, shouldn't be treated like a pile of cells. The child in that woman's womb is a living, breathing human, not a thing. Even if the spineless man decides to run out, don't make the child suffer for what the parents do! Put the baby up for adoption!
Even though I've been on the other end of one that went bad real fast, and my biological sister screwed me, tried to tarnish my reputation, and betrayed me, it was comforting to know that she had the opportunity to grow up into a woman with her life and family. She was able to have a very comfortable life, and even if she didn't, it was better than her being aborted like something that was not considered even a human.
Even though I've been on the other end of one that went bad real fast, and my biological sister screwed me, tried to tarnish my reputation, and betrayed me, it was comforting to know that she had the opportunity to grow up into a woman with her life and family. She was able to have a very comfortable life, and even if she didn't, it was better than her being aborted like something that was not considered even a human.
The OP's story was *exactly* what happened to me.
I never wanted kids but have been, what I believe, an excellent father all the way through. So much, that he is now with me 100% of the time.
Without getting too detailed, my opinion is that women like this deserve the worse circle of hell for being so selfish.
I never wanted kids but have been, what I believe, an excellent father all the way through. So much, that he is now with me 100% of the time.
Without getting too detailed, my opinion is that women like this deserve the worse circle of hell for being so selfish.
Ironically I think when this type thing does happen, the father turns out to be the better parent. I'm glad you stepped up. I never disagreed with it being the right thing to do. But IMO women who connive and lie, rarely are parental material to begin with. Children being brought into the world for the wrong reasons.
It's cool your kidlet has a great dad.
Yes
We're talking about a couple that had made an agreement as part of their relationship. OP says it was a "long term relationship". Not a one nighter, or fling. They had an agreement. If he told her he didn't want kids, ever, and she said she would take care of the birth control, then they had a verbal contract. He (even if he was mistaken) made sure it was taken care of. He made the mistake of trusting her to do what they had agreed on. If the birth control failed, then I think he should be just as responsible for the $$ as her, but if she admits that SHE DECIDED ON HER OWN, without talking it over with him, that she wanted to have a child, and on her own without telling him she decides to stop using birth control, I think she should be solely responsible for the costs. Breach of contract is what I'm seeing here, and in my opinion, he should not have to pay a dime. If I were him, I would get a DNA test as soon as possible.
If she made the decision to change the terms of the relationship without telling him the rules had changed, and if she took the responsibility for getting pregnant without telling her partner, and if she lied when she said she was using birth control, then I think she should get to pay for it.
Cat's right, we men get the shaft on all too many of these situations. Reminds me of the story on the news a while back about a guy that did use a condom while having sex. He took the responsibility of making sure he didn't get the girl pregnant. Story says that she admitted in court that she took a used condom from the trash, emptied the contents into some type of "syringe" and impregnated herself with it. He wound up paying the bills, even when he did take precautions, and even when she did admit she took matters into her own hands without his consent. He took care, and still got the bills. Nice.
And, I do agree that it is way lopsided. She can make all the decisions concerning the entire situation, he has no say in what happens, but he sure gets to foot the bill for all of her decisions.
If she made the decision to change the terms of the relationship without telling him the rules had changed, and if she took the responsibility for getting pregnant without telling her partner, and if she lied when she said she was using birth control, then I think she should get to pay for it.
Cat's right, we men get the shaft on all too many of these situations. Reminds me of the story on the news a while back about a guy that did use a condom while having sex. He took the responsibility of making sure he didn't get the girl pregnant. Story says that she admitted in court that she took a used condom from the trash, emptied the contents into some type of "syringe" and impregnated herself with it. He wound up paying the bills, even when he did take precautions, and even when she did admit she took matters into her own hands without his consent. He took care, and still got the bills. Nice.
And, I do agree that it is way lopsided. She can make all the decisions concerning the entire situation, he has no say in what happens, but he sure gets to foot the bill for all of her decisions.
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I pretty much refused to sleep with women who were not pro-choice. All of my friends who I have asked are pro-choice, and while they all wear/use protection, sometimes it just isn't enough and things happen. It's best (imperative) to have that discussion BEFORE they happen.
When I leave LA and get back into dating, I am heavily considering a vasectomy. However, my opinion on home-ownership totally changed, and so I have held off, thinking that MAYBE I would change my attitude toward children. Thus far, no. By my early 30's, though, I will probably just go get it taken care of.
When I leave LA and get back into dating, I am heavily considering a vasectomy. However, my opinion on home-ownership totally changed, and so I have held off, thinking that MAYBE I would change my attitude toward children. Thus far, no. By my early 30's, though, I will probably just go get it taken care of.
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