Social advice needed

[PPBart]

Not for me... yes, I have plenty of issues of my own, but this is for a friend of mine.

He's not very sociable, not a lot of friends that I know of, about 65 (I know he has started getting SS), retired, lost his wife of 30(+) years to cancer about 6 months ago, lives in south Baton Rogue, three kids live out of state. He's been thru the expected emotional process, seems to be doing OK other than understandably depressed and lonely. I got him to meet me for breakfast a few days ago, just in an effort to get him out of the house. He asked me what he could do, where he could go to meet some new friends. He's a home-body, likes his garden and yard, rides motorcycles, not a member of any church or other similar social organization that I know of; think he just let his wife take care of that sort of stuff. I'm not the best source for such advice, so thought I'd post this. Where could a guy like him go to begin rebuilding a social life? I suggested something like E-Harmony dating site, but he's leery of those, would rather just meet people face-to-face.

 

[homeslice]

I'm far from the age range to be able to accurately comment on this with much help - but I'll try! To me, I'd look to rebuild a routine. Most guys that age I see out and about hit the same diner at the same time everyday. Some go to the driving range, some go to the gun range. I think the most important thing is to find ways to fill his time. My grandfather would always be found shooting the sh*t with the guys in the local hardware store. If he wasn't there he was in his shop, or running.

 

[DAVE_M]

I played in a pool hall near New Orleans for about 4 years straight. I'd go in there early in the morning when there wasn't a large crowd. The majority of guys in there, in the morning, were all over the age of 65-70 years old and were the same as your friend. Luckily for me, the old timers taught me a ton, but that's irrelevant. What is relevant is that there was a man (around 73, IIRC) that had just lost his wife to a long battle with cancer, his children lived out of state, and he didn't have many friends. He became depressed and didn't show up to the hall for a few weeks. Finally, he decided to come back and live a little. He had started playing more often, joined a league, and even started gambling with the youngsters. He would spend hours in the pool hall enjoying himself. He only had himself to worry about and it worked out just fine. Now I'm not saying your friend should take up playing pool, but he should really get a hobby. If he likes riding motorcycles, maybe it's time he build one himself. Once he gets into it, he'll be meeting people left and right. People like being around people with similar ideals and interests, regardless of age.

Typically, from what I find to be true, is that when folks say they have social problems, it's because they are too shy or too lazy to go out and do something.

I'm far from the age range to be able to accurately comment on this with much help - but I'll try! To me, I'd look to rebuild a routine. Most guys that age I see out and about hit the same diner at the same time everyday. Some go to the driving range, some go to the gun range. I think the most important thing is to find ways to fill his time. My grandfather would always be found shooting the sh*t with the guys in the local hardware store. If he wasn't there he was in his shop, or running.

That's how my father met a lot of his friends. Since he moved to a new town with people he didn't know, when his friends were all an hour (or more) away, he decided to make an effort and find out where the locals go, that have similar interests to his. He's met dozens of folks over the years, but he wouldn't have, if he never left the house.

 

[cheese]

Maybe recommend meetup groups? There are 100's and cater to all different interests.

 

[sandman7925]

He rides a motorcycle. Start there. I think on Saturday mornings the Harley place does breakfast and a big meet and greet. Go to other places the bikers hang out at.

 

[Sulzer]

If he likes to garden he can volunteer at Hilltop Arboretum on Wednesdays with the Hodge Podge group. My parents have been doing it for 10 years, it's mostly his demographic Volunteer Link. Also, tell him to check out the bar at Sammy's Grill Highland, a bunch of ol' fart regulars kicking it around there everyday from open 'til late evening.

 

[sandman7925]

If he likes animals CAA is always looking for volunteers to either work at the shelter or help with adoption events.

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[Creoleman]

I can empathize. When cancer claimed my beautiful Lynette several years ago, I ended up just putting my head down and really digging into my work. Didn't even find myself looking at chicks for about two years. He'll get back into it when HE's ready, trust me.

 

[mike84z28]

Lots of places looking for volunteers, hospital, shelter, SPCA. If he is retired maybe a part time job in something that interests him. There are also several social groups that make regular runs to the gulf coast for the day. Maybe get out to some car shows or fairs, spring is the perfect time of year for those.

 

[Expert684]

Lots of places looking for volunteers, hospital, shelter, SPCA. If he is retired maybe a part time job in something that interests him. There are also several social groups that make regular runs to the gulf coast for the day. Maybe get out to some car shows or fairs, spring is the perfect time of year for those.

This^. Joined a Corvette club a few years ago. Pretty much we are all 55 and up. Met lots of nice people, I,m sure one of the wives has a friend his age that might want to go riding or cruising in the car? We would drive all over the state, eat and do tours. How a bout bingo, maybe the casino? there are tons of people he can meet. Like said above, golf, shooting, bowling, heck after my grandfather passed years ago, my grandmother would cook and have tons of people over and play cards. He needs a hobby to help fill his life, good luck to him.

 

[AustinBR]

He rides a motorcycle. Start there. I think on Saturday mornings the Harley place does breakfast and a big meet and greet. Go to other places the bikers hang out at.

Good advice here. He already has an "in" with that group - going and meeting a few people should be easy.

My Crossfit gym is also always very welcoming to new guys. We have quite a few guys his age and he would fit right in. It is a great community.

 

[PPBart]

Certainly some good ideas, which I will pass on to my friend. Thanks!

 

[Akajun]

My dad took up competitive archery, he seems to like it, there is a big group in Baton Rouge . Either that or rifle/ pistol competition

 

[Request Dust Off]

If he likes M/C & cars maybe you can get him to cars & coffee and like events.

While I am not up in that age bracket I do enjoy some of the older crowd. Some are pretty cool people and of course some just love to be miserable.

Also consider if he has some skills he can teach to others in a role as teacher, coach or mentor.