Joke of the day

[Turn Key]

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating.

It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area. One of
the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview
with a woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the
woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the
area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied, ' I don't know about all those
other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye's.

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

They're out there, people, AND THEY VOTE.

 

[IfItFliesItDies]

Patrick Murphy and Sean O'Brien, two Irishmen, grew up together and were lifelong friends. But Patrick developed cancer and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy: "O'Brien, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye."
Sean walked to his friend's bedside and kneeled beside him.
"Seany, ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."
O'Brien burst into tears: "Anything, Patrick. Anything ye wish."
"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones, and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
O'Brien was overcome with emotion, and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked: "Aye, 'tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, Patrick, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

 

[Yrdawg]

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating.

It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area. One of
the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview
with a woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the
woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the
area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied, ' I don't know about all those
other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye's.

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

They're out there, people, AND THEY VOTE.

and they vote democrat

 

[Turn Key]

A guy walked into the bar and asked the bartender for a Bin Ladin. The bartender said "whats a Bin Ladin?" The guy said "two shots and a splash".

 

[LACamper]

*
Seven Degrees of Blondes
*
*FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.*The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'*

SECOND
DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'*

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'*

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'*

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'*

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'*

 

[Turn Key]

A mom is tidying her son's bedroom and finds a hidden stack of bondage and fetish magazines. She asks her husband what to do. He says "WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T FRICKIN SPANK HIM!"

 

[charliepapa]

MEXICAN WORDS OF THE DAY: CHEESE & JALAPEÑO:

Hey, don't tell Guadalupe anything when CHEESE around her sister, cause that nosy bish will be JALAPEÑO business...

 

[Emperor]

A long-haired kid is hitchhiking and gets picked up by a trucker.
After a few miles, the long-haired kid says, "Well, aren't you going to ask me if I'm a boy or a girl?"
The trucker says, "It don't matter. I'm 'onna f**k you anyway."

 

[charliepapa]

Politically Incorrect Everything...

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk... "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

 

[Turn Key]

One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure a woman as fine as you would eventually remarry and
I don't want some ass hole using my stuff."

She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another ass hole?"

 

[jro6803]

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have a summer Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States

 

[jro6803]

Q. What's the difference between a Cajun zoo and a zoo in the rest of the country?
A. The signs on the animal exhibits at the Cajun zoo have a description of the animal along with a recipe.

 

[jimdana1942]

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bear arms.

 

[BRBrett]

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have a summer Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States

 

[Turn Key]

Did I like retard another to it send retard a like this reading
time sweet your took you since.








Now read it backwards

 

[Turn Key]

I Just had to Post one of My Own

 

[IfItFliesItDies]

You know the most shocking revelation of the Congressman Weiner scandal?











They actually found a Democrat with balls.

 

[Renegade]

You know the most shocking revelation of the Congressman Weiner scandal?


They actually found a Democrat with balls.

and a weiner!

 

[Turn Key]

Advice to an Old Guy

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym, when he spotted a sweet young thing.

He asked his male trainer, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and replied, "I would try the ATM in the lobby."

 

[jimdana1942]

Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear a soothing voice trying to reassure him - "Howard, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality -"Howard, you're a veterinarian."